http://icefayth.blogspot.com

I would just scream and punch the wall if there's no one around.

2011-06-27T18:47:00.005+08:00

Its funny how a movie can do to you. I had watched a lot of movies, from the ones that makes you laugh to those that mind fucks you. This movie I watched today was... it drives me crazy. God this feeling is killing me. It feels like adrenaline but it doesn't excites. its not fear cause I'm alone?..My heart is pounding even now, mind filled with thoughts that never once trouble me so much. I spent rest of the day researching on the cast and hoping to find that something that I lust for but its all fiction.

The show was great and too much similar and now I need distraction. I think partly because of the actor and the situation they're in. There is so many thing on my mind. family/friends/ me/ debts/ school/ future

...I think its desperation...

I always laugh at my friends when they complain about their relationships and now I'm desperate to be loved. Loved for who I really am and not what you see on me. I wish someone knows and actually gets through the barrier that i passively sets around me and just.....

For now here and my room is where I could truly be myself. Once I open the door I'll have to put on a smile and pretend today was just another day. I could just hope.

It was a happy day then I remembered something..

2011-04-27T11:24:00.000+08:00

I have been working saving up for my Australia trip. First there was this one day job in Shoji trade co that offered 15/hr. Then there was this chef assistant job at St Reggis at 7/hr. Finally i found a temporary full time job as a Fujitsu salesman at Funan Challenger.

Day one wasn't great as I get a first hand experience of the politics in the sales business then some how I offended the Samsung promoter there.

Day two was worst.

Day three was busy.

Four was fine.

Five was fast.

and today was actually pretty awesome until I went shower and remembered something.

Today was my last day working there as a Fujitsu salesman cause sorta quit. I can't stand the people there. Anyway that's not the point. While I was slacking off with my friend at work we got to know this girl from another department. Suprisingly she is from the school that I'm gonna be studying in the future. Then there this mute guy came to me pointing towards the web cam in front of me. I knew they need help in selecting a web cam for whatever their purpose is thus i went to looking for the department head. However I fail, or rather I did not put in much effort to it as I wanna to talk to the girl I just knew.

Now I'm being tormented by it. I always told myself to be helpful and different. Because I will have difficulty communication with him plus i didn't know how to operate the web cam plus I couldn't find the department head plus i wanna talk to that girl, I just went off and ignoring them.

Ahh screw the haze..

2010-10-23T03:16:00.003+08:00

Oh yes its been 2 months and here i am updating my blog again =). Well, today 2 of my camp mates ORD, awesome, and mine is soon, cant wait.

Its suppose to be happy occasion and I really did expect a party but it turns out to be just a simple night, where we chat, drink beer and concludes the day. I am never good at maintaining friendships really. Always fear that I am not significant enough for them to remember me. May be its just me being lazy, for anything. I feel everything is a chore. But really if someone could remember me, I would be really happy.

I'm a easy-satisfied person, believe me. I could give a lot and a sincere "thank you" would make my day. Now, this moment I'm slowing losing a friend. And in time, when its my turn to leave NS more will be gone.

4kg heavier.... god...

2010-08-01T02:35:00.002+08:00

I always had known my mouth is bad, but never really know it's that bad, until few hours ago. My mother had told me about my foul mouth so many times and I didn't care one bit. I'm not a straight forward kind of guy so I don't just sprout whatever that comes to my mind. In fact I'm a very thoughtful person. okay, may be come to close friends I'm a little insensitive, tease a little too much.

After reading the whole conversation of whining, couldn't resist myself so I rebutted. To say something bad about someone when the person is not around to defend himself is simply.. unfair.

See, this post suppose to be how I would screw myself up about my 'good-for-nothing-but-nonsense mouth' and make myself feel better for screwing my friend's birthday celebration. Now I'm too irritated to do that after reading what he repeatedly type in skype, about the other friend of ours.

Of course I understand you my friend. Who would be okay after someone repeatedly make bad jokes about your girlfriend. "He might not be right, but he deserves to be heard." some english drama used that and I hope you could understand. I have said many things and sounded like I'm on his side but really I'm not. Just trying to get you to see things clearly.

1. Blame the wrong person.
2. You assume of what the joke is true.
3. Too angry to see that you, actually still care about him.
4. Bringing up the past issues that isn't relevant.
5. Taking everything out on him, whats with that?
6. To think that you are right.

It turns out that it wasn't my mouth that caused this conflict between my friends but my freaking fingers.
-Its raining now, time for bed.
-Sorry my friends, feel free to bitch about me..

My face won't heal!..but.

2010-06-01T10:58:00.002+08:00

I've been doing so many overnight duties that the cells on my face haven't got time to regenerate.

Today, and so many other days before, I have been enlighten again by the same person so much so that I wanted to talk about it in my 'not-so-frequently-updated' blog. Like all times yesterday was my duty and I'm about to dismount this morning. Something happened. One of the duty personnel didn't show and no one else was able to substitute him for his duty today, whatever the reasons, I was ask to mount again!

Of course, me being so thoughtful and so kind and given a compensation of one and a half day off despite the BOS and one of the guard was so freaking awesome, I agreed to do it. However, the commotion hasn't ended. All the higher ups including my IC is still trading phone calls, trying to settle the issue. So I thought to myself, why make everything so difficult for themselves, for the guy who didn't show? I agreed to do it and as if I would die for doing duty 2 days straight.. oh may be I will - some of my brain cells and face tissues.

Okay so yes I thought "ya they are going through all this trouble for me, yes I'm touched, but there's a simple solution. Our IC could just take up today's duty. whats the big deal, not like he hasn't done any before." Thus they called the guy back. And there goes everything.. from being so thoughtful to my 1 and a half day of off.

After breakfast we went up to our company office - really don't know for what - and I got played by 2 kids 1 old 1 young, never mind. My IC have a little HTHT session with me, okay not really. He told me that not that he doesn't want to take up his duty today but if he did, he would bring across the wrong impression to us or rather to the few specially selected people, mentally, me not included.. I think. As they might mistook kindness as an alternative solution to the problem and might start depending on it. As a result making Duty seems of no significant and of no importance as they can just play a no-show on their duty and expect that there will be someone to cover for them.

Honestly, he have earn my respect, big time and I feel so stupid for thinking that his action was vague and cruel.

P.s. FYI HTHT means heart-to heart-talk.. ahahhaha

I miss my weekends like this!

2009-08-03T00:29:00.003+08:00

I use to whine about my friends coming to my place and stay over. They mess my room up, make my room smells, noisy, and make me couldn't sleep at night. I do get piss off many times as I have to pack after they leave but my friends never fail to bring laughter into my room and not just that, to my family even, sometimes. I must say this is a better feeling than slacking at home for the whole day alone.

I have been taking my friends for granted, for a very long time, maybe even now. Sometimes I feel so relief when I didn't receive calls from my friends saying that they wanna come over, so much that I would even praised god sometimes for allowing me to spend my weekends alone; I'm bad at rejecting, so when they did call, the chance me letting them to come over is almost definite.

After I got enlisted I got all the weekends for myself. I do like it, though it gets boring at times, but I get to sleep at any time of the day, how long I want. During my BMT almost most of the 13 weekends I spent it either this way or similar.

Today, before the week ends, I'm here blogging about my life and try to appreciate my friends more. They made me relive the days they come over my home and have dinner together, have some stupid dialogues of very stupid stuff, teasing each other for hours and hours, making hells lots of noise, eat hell lots of junk food, and finally when we wanna retire for the day we have this conversation about of lives sometimes and slowly, most of them, doze off to deep sleep. As for me this is the time where I get to realise the freaking secrets about my friends. Some sleep-talk, some sleep-punching, some sleep-fart and yes, fart and that particular friend of mine could do that in style!

|| cefayth

Life so far.

2009-07-25T00:12:00.002+08:00

Finished my bmt, got posted out and with some luck i got into my second most wanted vocation, regimental police. Things were going fine. The people there are funny, polite, and best of all-slack! It is what wanted my vocation to be exactly. It gets a little boring at times though.. anyway thats not the point.

Before i enlisted to the army i tried to convince myself that going to the army isnt a waste my of time. During bmt im convinced, i am still after i get posted out, but until recently. The thought of reporting for duty on weekends, makes me realise that i'm losing control of my life.. part of it. First its weekend, second its not the thing i wanna do and third, its boring. i cannot not report for duty without a valid reason. That aside, sometime this year i planned to sign up for a diving course, and because this inconsistent schedule, i dare not confirm when exactly i wanna that up the course. And here i am to try to make my 2 years of service a fulfilling one. Our IC planned our duty a month in advance though. What i trying to say is, its my life! Why do i even need to seek permission to do the things i want? Why do i have to forsake what i like for what i don't?

Seriously no one and i mean no one should control how you live your life, not your friends, not your work, and not even your parents, so is the government. Sigh and some of these factors are not in our grasp. Shit, i just want to finish my 2 years of service and fuck off! Argh!! Im LOSING............................

Icefayth

Enlisting to Army the day after.

2009-03-11T19:03:00.003+08:00

Man.. absolutely blank. In 2 days I will be leaving for tekong to have my BMT. Hopefully I'll get to meet some nice people, nice bunk mate, officer, instructor, whoever! I just want them to be nice.

Anyways, I'm here to blog about my miserable life. You see, after reading some older posts, their comments, really brought me back. I had taken a long long break since my last post. I kinda became lazy and stop writing. So today, now I will unleash all the highlights of my life here for memories and for sharing.

Lets start from the most recent highlights. March-Recently I have this obsession about tattoos, angels, devil, demons. I call this my emo period. During this period I think about is devil really that bad and is angel that holy. Of course i did some research myself. I found out that all religions are actually quite contradicting. Their believes, more accurately the message it trying to convey to the mass. As for tattoos, I was inspired after reading this phrase "I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones." I even when to the point to drawing out my own tattoo that I want to put in the future. Its not perfect but its actually pretty nice, I would say.

May be about a month back, Feb-maybe longer, i started my swimming training. 6- 10 laps every time i visit the pool. well, this is all because i wanna learn diving! and it has requirements. 200m swim, track water for 10 mins. this is the time where i regret to have not taken swimming lesson when my mummy asked me to. well i started off to be able to swim 1 lap continuously now i can swimming 3 laps non stop. Ya slow, i don't own a swimming pool so yes! i don't swimming everyday!

Mid-Jan- MEGA HIGHLIGHTS of my life 2009! I WENT TO JAPAN! I TOOK THE PLANE FOR THE FIRST TIME, see the sceneries beyond clouds for the first time, watch and taste snow for the first time. so many new experience. HOW AWESOME IS THAT! Me and my cousin got lost in Sapporo city at night it was thrilling and hilarious.

Leap back to 2008 DEC. well nothing really great happened. Knew a few friends, crazy ones, always make me seem stupid but still we had fun. Doing project together, bitch about lecturers together, doing tons of stupid stuff together & and pass our diploma together!!

Well these are the highlights. Enough of flash backs. in 2 days i will be enlisted. totally unprepared. oh ya and ever since my family knew i will be enlisted in march 13 2009. they have been making fun of me. telling me not to worry. its not so tough now. how to do you feel. go do some exercise. hahahaha u gonna be botak. ya they are concern. but what the hell all these just pisses me off. don tell me try to talk to them, cause even i use the most polite way to say" hey guys all this phrase really piss me off, so can u stop and I'm going NS not going overseas alone and I'm coming back." they will still burst out. ya we dont communicate well but i know they love me and always will. sometimes i feel their sorta like a burden/ hold back of my life. this may sound selfish, mean i really do mean it.

I'll stop here now next post will most likely be during my first book out
icefayth

Update!!

2008-11-11T21:36:00.004+08:00

howdy peep,

Seems like I have a busy october. Busy clearing assignments, filming news broadcast, and nevertheless, catching up on tv series/animes. Nothing big happened but just for you, I'll tell you.

9 oct- day of filming

Kindda nervous, asked to do stupid stuffs on set, but what I really nervous is the MRT door I hardened. Well, no one in my group trust my drawing skills, so the drawing of it was done by my buddy, Regina. I personal feel that the capturing.. not very good. I heard it hilarious though.

23 oct- dad's one year death anniversary

Skipped class, went breakfast, it was cold I remembered, then to Bishan Ting(temple). The grief of his death has faded, I think, not me but my mom. Perhaps I should say guilt. Got a little pissed, for a moment, when my mom asked me to ask my dad for some numbers so she could win lottery.

27 oct- letter from mindef.

Received NS letter stating that I'm serving the nation on march 13 next year. At night, we went Jumbo Restaurant, Dempsy Hill. for dinner. family make a big fuss about that. Asking me not to worry, before you know it you're out of there. Pisses me off. However the food was.... DELICIOUS especially the new ChiliCrab Scottland style.

29 oct- asep assignment dealine tomorrow!

Rushing to finish up assignment. Create an ad. advertising Converse shoes, Chuck Taylor.

Thats about it, my October.

Icefayth

Bunch of tests! pretty INTERESTING!

2008-09-24T19:09:00.006+08:00

How cool am I?? 122 bright mastermind as it says!
doubt that it is accurate.
but, it makes me happy!

The 666 test

Beast
The Beast is considered to be evil and almost no one cares if it`s really a bad creature. Like it you are missunderstood and lonely, not the most beautyfull on Earth. What you have is a different and much more true attitude to the world than others can imagine.

How do you compare?
Take this test! Tests from Testriffic

what do your eyes say about you?

*re-edited image, previous one was too big and it irritates me*

Eyes of Pain

Your eyes are almost never seen, as you can't bear to see anyone happy in the eyes. You have some burden some hurt in your past that you cannot put behind you. People would like to know you but you push them away dwelling within yourself,
afraid to be hurt again.

These tests are very COOL!!!!

crowding and density! 2 and thats it !

2008-09-21T20:07:00.003+08:00

My live have been in a mess lately. Many, messy! I cannot stand places where there are too many people around especially in my own space. 2 is more than enough for me, in my own space. Too many people I can't do the things I'd like without being questioned. I even get irritated by seeing my family members sometimes. In fact there is 2 particular time of the day I will definitely get very irritated seeing them. 1 morning when I wake up, 2 got back from work or school.

I think I always use them not just family but also friends. They use me as well... may be. I like to share with people when I encounter funny, angry, stupid things or situations, without them surely I can't. Now that I think of it I don't wanna be alone. Whatever it is, too many people, childish, irritating, stubborn people pisses me off.

Don't question my beliefs, my values, my trust and yours' . Do you have a best friend? Tell me about that best friend of yours, I did like to know because I have yet have one. I did like to know best friend versus lover, which is better you think?

Icefayth

Fucking shit! I feel guilty.WHY!? I am not in the one who is wrong.

2008-09-19T23:42:00.006+08:00

Damn it!. minutes ago i just quarreled with my mum. She ask me to read about this insurance letter which I told her its just an annual balance or monthly, cant recall. She ask again
" is this letter telling me that if I want to withdraw the accumulated interest I have to fill a form and if we don't it will be credited to my bank account?"

I honestly don't know about that and I told her. Then she commented
" Die la, I'm in tertiary education now and still don't know how how to read this type of letter. My friend's daughter is only in primary school and she did know how to read these kind of stuffs already."

Who wouldn't get piss after hearing that!? I'm piss of course but i keep my cool. I pretended that the comment was a good thing.

" well, since you know someone that know about this stuff you can go ask your friend about it." I said calmly. "

"my friend ask me whether I received this letter because she had received." the replied angrily. " She said if I were to choose to withdraw the money I'll have to fill up a form.."

"now you know what it is about, isn't it great?" I replied as calmly as I could.

And finally i snapped after hearing " aiya talking to you make me puke blood." she started crying. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? if she weren't my mum I did be screaming and cursing at her. FUCKING HELL! I went on insisting that I really don't know and that if I tell her I know I did be lying. then, faintly I heard something,
" I spend my life taking care of you and this is what i get."

I decided to stop, but before I could..
"I don't believe that a primary school girl will know what this letter is" I said loud but controlled.

" You are like me, we don't believe in other people, only ourselves" she replied softly, still crying.

" Ya, you are the one who give birth to me." I went back to my room.

Then after a while, really short while, she came into my room stashing up my clothes and slamming every closet she manage to slam including the door she open to enter my room. Again I did comment something like" YOU can just leave my clothes outside, u don't have to come in and place it and purposefully just to show your anger to me" if she weren't my mum.

Icefayth

Starting my dairy

2008-07-31T23:44:00.002+08:00

the thought of keeping a dairy suddenly comes to my mind. perhaps this happen because i have to many secrets to let out and there is no one i could totally trust to share my secrets with. not just human beings. i really want, people to know, understand, perhaps compromise a little to how i feel, however i do not want the reader to know who am i, thus i started blog. even though i've tried getting personal, there is still a barrier. after learnign today's lesson in class, the barrier between the internet and me grew. whatever i'd write here or at any other sites, are most probably been spied.

there is no more places, save enough, to keep any secrets with, only perhaps a dairy other than that its your brain. the fear being read by someone, and tedious job of hiding and taking out the dairy makes this thought impending. if i did start a dairy i would relaly wish i could share it with someone someday but for now, i am still finding!

Ice L. Ryuzaki

I want to

2008-07-28T02:35:00.002+08:00

I want to go Japan
I want to go Diving
I want to go Singfest
I want to buy Ram
I want to buy Samsung HD LCD TV
I want a new Computer Desk
I want my Music Back!
I want a new Phone
For now, I want $1000

I am fortunate compared to most, yet I desire more things which most would consider impossible. I am dispcable, I take forgranted, that is when I cheat, I lie, I scam, I believe.

ce L. Ryuzaki

great! computer breakdown.

2008-07-24T21:08:00.002+08:00

great just great! COMPUTER BREAKDOWN! how shit it that! nevermind thats not the case! i fraustrated because I had spent money only the wrong chips! I miss diagnosed my cpu and thought that my psu was thge problem. i was certain. rush down , got a new one, it didnt work.

rediagnosed like anyone would, now i figured it would be either the motherboard prob or the switch wirring. since the switch does show some electrical signal, this eliminates the switch wirring probability and left with the first option which i was not happy about, at all. i became desperate, went down to bugis got myself a new motherboard, tested it worked, rush home. to my amusement, neither the motherboard is the problem.

i got really agitated changing, fixing, pulling, screwing the the chips back and forth. 1hour passed,no result nor clues to what may be the cause. another hour passed, this time i realise that whenever i tried switching on when my gpu is intact, the power got cut. i remove the power supply cable from my gpu and tried once more. indeed is was my gpu problem and this time the gpu got smoke coming out. JUST HOW GREAT IS THAT.

since i finally figured the root problem and my gpu got burned, today i went to get a new one. i went to westmall first and they told me" we do sell agp gpu but all are sold out". i got so angry not at them but at myself, i walked straight out. without second thought i rush to the next outlet location in IMM, jurong east. I got it, lucky. happy of course, but not with high hopes.

Reached home, after fitting in all the parts, i pressed the power and the fans is spinning im glad. however it was short lived, after i connected the dvi cable nothing appear on screen.just how great is that. it has been 5 days since i played any games. 5 days of depression and spending money that i saved supposely for my school fees. and it still didnt work. My room is in a mess!.

Ice L. Ryuzaki

SHIN CHOW VIDEO SHOP, CLEMENTI!

2008-07-06T14:00:00.003+08:00

Hi guys,

I'm all shock and excited when I open up my shop and start the day running. New shows had been brought into stall and happens to be my favourite tv entertainment genre, ANIMES. Whole bunch of them were brought here. Although the animes brought are not new animes, there are couple of nice one too. I've already decided on which anime I am going to buy from my boss if the wanna sell it. DragonBall GT, Death note, Law of Ueki,Vampire Fontier and still looking.

So to all Animes Fans, seeking for old, classic animes? Couldn't find any source for download? Do come visit me at the address below, on sunday only as I'm working only on sunday=x. Maybe we can chat a little and perhaps if I liked you I might give you a discount *evil grinn*.

I took 3 hours to finish this pathetic post lol thanks to the constant coming of customer, well also means this shop and earning a lot and stll im the only worker on sunday!! Poor me. I'll stop here now, do visit me I repeat, do visit me! I know I seem desperate, but whatever. Customers are jamming up the place have to go do some traffic controlling, see ya.

721 west coast road

#01-110

(For people who know where SengSong, clementi is, my shop is at the back of it, walkable distance.)

icefayth

AWESOME!!!! CHILLI CRAB!!!

2008-06-29T00:40:00.004+08:00

First and for most I would like to say that the title of this entry has absolutely nothing to do with the content. It is just that the Chilli Crab I ate earlier tonight, at Jumbo Restaurant, was so delicious that decided I should acknowledge it but the main reason is make you guys drool a little. =)

Anyway let's get back to what this post should be about. I told my buddy that we have something in common about our characteristics. Characteristics that I percept to be evil and self-centered. I am not sure that I am able put across my message clearly, as it is quite contradicting. But I will try.

In a situation where the one you love, is loving someone else. My buddy and I will do a self-sacrifice act. That is where we will give up our love and try to fulfill them as a couple or if we couldn't help with anything we would just leave them alone. This might seem noble but it is the motive behind and the thought that counts.

I always think in a way that by doing this, I could enforce a certain amount of guilt to the one I love. Hopefully she would realize it and perhaps regret leaving me. Of course I wouldn't do anything that would hurt her. This is purely just my thoughts and this part where I think, surely, my buddy is very much like me. Even though she always said "It's okay that he doesn't love me." or deny the fact that she still in love with that guy, it still hurts deep down. We are such a paradox, but who isn't?

I know after reading up till here, it is clear that which of my thoughts truly stand. However, thoughts cannot be split. It is blend with every other thoughts you have during the particular moment. Thus generates a feeling that could never be explain.

She might deny it or may be I thought wrong but still this is my say! No offense buddy!=)

iicefayth

Confused.

2008-06-18T01:50:00.001+08:00

It has been weird lately, contradicting myself upon the decision I made. May be I try too hard to change and to judge the way I do things, to make it different. Or perhaps this is an obsession to make myself believe that I am special. Yes, there is always a definite reason behind what a person thinks, do and I know the reason behind my obsession. I am not special enough, or at least sub-consciously it is suggesting that.

Now many would say that "You are special in your own way.". I know but it is not enough, not until people realizes it. Now that I am writing my feelings out, I found out that I might be lying, and pretending to be special all this time. Doing the things I might not like to do, and turning these acts into my personal norms. I should stop!

However, there is one particular group whom I totally let loose of my true self, I think. Sadly, I am pretty sure they would not be there for me, forever and soon.

On an emotional night,

I walk alone along the soothing sea.

I stopped, I think, I wonder.

Seeking for the answers that have always been hidden,

I open up my heart, cleaned my anger and listen.

Guided by the whispering wind, gushing waves,

I dive down into the soothing sea

reaching for the never-ending answers.

Icefayth

My legs and....

2008-06-14T01:46:00.004+08:00

Hi Peeps,

So sorry, have been busy slacking! Well, not exactly, nevermind. Since late May I am having my school holidays. I went to some job agency and got myself a place in starhub. I attended a few training sessions and it was awesome, why? Cause it is like going to school with no homework and best of it all you earn money!

However, when the real deal comes, PC show, do prepare a leg massage device or whatever you call it, before hand. You will need it. Standing about 13 hours a day, starving to the extend where you forget you are actually hungry and you might have to hold your pee depending on the situation. How cruel, right? Despite all that, I am having a lot of fun working although there are times when it gets ugly which normally leads back to the customer. Met some awesome friends and I think I'm attracted to one of them. This got me started doubting myself as to who I really am.

There are peopel who say she might be an "actor", too soft. I do apprecciate those comments but something she done overrides it all. There was one day we were walking towards the mrt station, with some other friends of course, she was in front of me and something dropped. We both heard the noice and turned back.

She asked "did your things drop?"

From far I look I saw a pen-like stick and both ends were sharpened which I had one of it in my bag. So I'm pretty sure it was mine and to my surprise the pencil landed quite far away.

"I think it is my pencil but nevermind leave it" I replied.

And before I could say anything else, she ran and pick up the pencil and gave it back to me.

This moment of act that is so sudden, so unplanned, so unexpected really enligthens or rather touched me. No doubt there are many other possibilities but I am happy that this act is a positive and natural one.

Okay time to hugg my bed see ya again peeps!!

icefayth

My addiction

2008-05-07T01:02:00.004+08:00

Hey~

Sigh. I always thought that I am a very determined person. However I have proved myself wrong over and over again. Breaking the promises I made to myself just to feel that sensation. My longest record of being sober was 3 weeks but ever since then, I could not resist myself from using it.

As much as I hate to say it, I think it is because that I am alone at times. Thats why these desires came rushing to my mind. I know I told many of you that I love being alone, I really do and I do not deny that. But being alone and with nothing to do, is a whole different universe. It is like what for should I wake up, there is nothing for me to do anyway. And this feeling, waking up without motives, really suck a lot.

May be I should pick up a reading habit as reading can be done anywhere anytime. There a problem though, I am to lazy to go and find myself a good book to read. Argh problems after problems, pathetic me.

I love it when I am busy, use to hate it but now I don't. Being busy, make me think less. Although sometimes being busy means sleeping a lot lesser, it is at least productive.

It is getting late, I think I will retire for the day. But before I go, let me wish that I could overcome the lust of the usage next time.

Sweet dreams

||cefayth

Past few weekends

2008-05-04T22:57:00.004+08:00

Yo-shi~!

Well well well, the past few weekends for em, had been tiring. Friends coming over to my home for stay over, play, eat and least of all, sleep. For the past few days of this week, I only slept for 2-3 hours. Actually I had the time to sleep long, but with the lights, the noises and when they turn in, the snores. God bless me.

Whining, I know I am. With them, there will always be laughter and also quarrel but not so much. And if they quarrel they get it over with in 5 minutes. I always find that unbelievable. If it was me, you will find me saying " never mind","I'm not that petty"or such things. Deep down my heart, I might be cursing you. Anyway I'm trying to change that.

When they eat, WOW is the word. They make my mum so happy when they finished the excessive amount of food she cooked. I am glad too as for once my home don't face any food scarcity.

So much to tell , so tired. I'll stop here. Good night.

||cefayth

Update!

2008-04-12T22:50:00.005+08:00

Howdy guys,

About 2 months since my last entry. I have been busy and have been thinking a lot too. Busy with school assignments and thinking about things that might consider unattainable. These desires are driving me nuts. Deciding things before thought because a moment of desperation. Yet giving up is against my will. I am a typical lusty man.

There is a saying that "girls are complicated". If that is true, I think I would be categorize understand that group. The complexity within me is growing. I thought I had grabbed hold of that complexity in me. I was wrong. Many friends have told me they knew me well. They sounds promising, yet I wonder if it is true. Even I do not understand myself. Is it real, what they said? I am a lusty man.

Evaluating myself like this. Is it good or is it bad? Like a fish in the ocean, I am just a soul living on earth why am I doing this, I wonder. I do not know, yet I know. Subconscious has it all. I am a lusty man, yet I am different.

I get emotional when I think too much. Sorry for drifting from an update to whatever you call this is. Anyways I will be coming up with my third poetry. Many thanks and many sorry to regular readers. Thanks for reading my blog and sorry for spacing out for about a month and a half.

||cefayth

For one

2008-02-25T20:17:00.004+08:00

Hey,

I had been constantly thinking of lines for my second poetry and I've gotten nowhere. After attending today's lecture in MDIS, I got inspired. I don't know whether this is consider a poem but still is my hard work. Here is my second piece! Hope u guys like it.

For survival, we annihilate.
For victory, we intimidate.
For lust, we deceive.
Yet
For honour, we defend.
For success, we strive.
For love, we sacrifice.
The idiosyncratic way of mankind,
is it worth the risk?

I question, I think...
For the world... no.

p.s. credits to Mr Siregar, lecturer of communication skill, mass comm. MDIS.

| |cefayth

Embracing sorrow

2008-02-15T23:16:00.005+08:00

Currently learning how to write poetry do give advises.

My first poetry, hope u people like it..

Listen to the silent night,
with the shadow I spend it all.
Living with a feeling
that rather to be forgotten.
I stand right here even now,
embracing this never-ending grief.

| |cefayth

fresh, new, start and confession!

2008-01-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

gawl!

O levels 2007 results were released few days back. a mixed emotions among students were definite. joy, regrets, excitement, cries filled the hall. after saying these, most people would think that i did pretty well. here comes the lovely word 'but', but they were wrong!. in fact i'm one of people who has the lousier grade. 29 points, wth. still if u ask me

"am i sad?" no.
"do i regret" no.
"do i fear" yes.
"am i disappointed" no.

as to why im not sad or disappointed was because i had a dream the night before the results day, a bad one, and that had basically prepared me for the worst scenario. in addition to the amount effort i put in for the exams, this results were sorta expected.

as to why i didn't regret was because whatever i done is done. not point regretting instead learn from it. if u know me well, u'll know once i took the risk i'll never regret it, even if it brings me no benefits.

fear! yes FEAR! definite! yes!.fear that i cant get into poly. trying my best to apply/appeal. here's what i gonna do just in case u wonder.

1. secure a place in nitec through JAE
2. go to the school with appealing available
3. pray hard.
4. if nothing goes my way, retake O levels or if there are courses interest me in nitec, probably go for a year while retaking my O levels.

to those who didn't do as well...
QUIT SULKING AND COME ONLINE ALREADY!

|ce

2008 shopping spree!

2008-01-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

walla!

wow today's shopping trip with my cousin Patricia was awwwsome. she bought 3 pairs of shoes for herself, a pair for my mom, and 2 pairs for her mom. here come the best part, she bought 2 shirts , a jacket, a pair of jeans, a pair of shoes and a belt for me. in total, me only, cost around $450, cool huh?! and i don't even havda pay a cent! please be jealous guys!

kk long day imma stop here, dota a few rounds and sleep

p.s. i'll get the pictures of my new item upload asap.

ce

What a day"s"!

2008-01-19T05:00:00.000+08:00

17-19 Jan 2008, chalet, neither a great nor a bad one. where should i start writting from? im pretty frastruated now as im writing. you'll know why and hopefully i'll get it over with as im whining this to nobody.

17 jan 08- its was great that day. we'd arrive a little late but everything just in pace. Bought fried rice with boil egg for dinner, get to our chalet, complain a little about the temperature in the room, gamble a little tease, each other a little and sleep little. peacefull, nice, just a great start. love it.

day 2-woke up around 11am. girls gone to ngee ann poly open house and all that left in the chalet was my classmate bran and me. things started to get weird and a definite boredom when the girls were gone. finally we get to meet up with the girls around 4pm. went to pet safari at simei, which is owned by bran's uncle, if i'm not wrong. while waiting another of our friend,roy. all the fluffy puppies just melt my heart and go aww. okay i didnt really do that however thats how i feel.

back to main focus, went to ntuc next and bought tons of bbq stuffs. rangeing from tongs to fresh meat and many other stuffs. didnt convince them to buy champange for me instead they bought tiger beer which is the beer i hate most. but anyhow we had a lot fun shopping. bbq started an hour or 2 later and wow, this bbq is one of the best bbq so far. laugh! food was delicious, getting the flame going was tough and some of us agreed that bbq can, not only gain weight but oso gain muscle thanks to the massive fanning of paper plates to keep the charco touched. news travell fast especially those negative ones, its about us being racist and stuff. honestly i kindda agree with news for a bit.

last day before we check out- just pass midnight roy gf came along. that caused some money issues. actually there's suppose to be 7 of us and had the money thingy settled. with roy's gf coming and and not payin for the chalet seems to be a big hell of a deal for of the rest. amoung this group of people, im certaining not the richest guys and in fact the poorest one. although they did agree on a no pay no chalet policy,cant we just ignore and had fun? i'd really want to.

as im blogging now the couple is sleeping at the so call living room which has no air conditional, nor any mattress, nor blankets, nor even availeable bedsheets for em to lay on the floor to sleep.
and roy did pay up what he's suppose to pay.seriously! im disappointed.

what i must say is, gosh, please control yourself whoever you are~ and please show some generiousity who ever you are~

after saying this and most probably i'll get bitch around but what the hell care what he thinks.

last, apologies to roy, his gf and zul.

ce

List of new things I got in 2007!

2008-01-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

Howdy guys,

here are some new things got in 2007 so check it out!

-80 gb hard disk! pic above
-Radeon X1650 PRO gpu pic above
-Sun glasses pic above
- A necklace/ pendant pic above
-Bunch of new friends
-New songs:Five for Fighting[Two Lights]Highly recommand
-School bag
-Pencil case
-New mmorpg: cabal kr (i'll be coming up with a skill training guide)
-and more to come this year, ye!

|ce

p.s. okay i admit i'm a no life and have nothing interesting to write on. sorry for the crappy post.

Christmas Eve!

2007-12-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

Merry Xmas Everyone!

Ow, holidays soon over, ya? Sad students have to clearing holiday assignments but as for me, I'm blessed with another four months! Cool huh? k I think that's enough for a tease.

Gosh, I must say this Christmas Eve is the most ridiculous and nevertheless one of the best I had in years. In the morning of Christmas Eve I was drag outta bed at 7am to go to the ICA building to make a new passport.

It was already the afternoon when I got back home. Catching up on some sleep as the night before I basically slept for only 2hours or so. And soon it's evening. Having a dinner party at my aunt house at 7pm however we meet up my cousin at his western food hawker stall to grab some extraordinarily delicious chicken wings, chicken shops, and nonetheless LAMB CHOPs, oh yea LAMB CHOPs. However, sadly this hawker cousin of my couldn't join use for the dining party.

It was 8 when we reached party supposedly should be already started but with the main course in our hands, They'll have to wait as before we arrived there were only salads and breads. Laugh. Without my glasses on and my hairstyle took its place, many of my "so long since" relative giving comments like
"WA, you are all grown up so tall and big~"
and
"WA, you so handsome now."
or
"WA, I couldn't recognised you." etc.
Honestly, I'm flattered.*Smiles*

Soon it reaches 11.30pm got a phone call form my buddy and I rushed down to Jurong west for the so call "Xmas countdown party" lol. It was a flop actually cause we were grabbing all the party stuffs at the final 10 minutes before the clock hit 12 midnight. After we bought the firecrackers it was already 11.58pm which is 2 minutes before midnight.

We reached the destination and its pass midnight but still we continue playing. First playing of firecrackers then when up to pee. Next we order McDonald's and shared ghost stories that claims that had been experienced, observed or heard. And we went up to pee again! Finally GOSSIPS. We gossips through the night. Gosh, for the record I think this was the longest chat in my life. For a man, I sure gossips like a girl. I didn't regret one bit as I know more of people secrets more gossips about people, friends. And we spent the entire night at the park. Anyhow, most importantly I get to know more friends and to bond!

Credits: Buddy, 2 girls(forgotten their names)*sorry I really do*, Sihui, Yongqi and their daddy. Their daddy is really a funky guy and has a very scary driving style.-_-

|ce

Is it or is it not, a bad omen?

2007-11-26T12:12:00.000+08:00

Wow, it has been awhile since i have dream about anything. Just last night I had a dream, about my O levels English paper 1. There were about 5-6 of us, including me and a teacher, in a classroom. They are weihou, eileen, bran, robin, me and mrs lena low.

Here hows the dream goes. All of us were in a classroom, doing the english paper and mrs lena low was the invigilator. All my classmates had already choose and started on the topic except me. 30 minutes passed, I was still deciding. It seems like I have no ideal as to what to write for any of the topics. I chose one, write and finally change. I did that for almost all the topics. An hour passed and I realize time is running short and I still have a letter to write when I have yet finished my composition.

By then I decided to start on my letter. Unluckily, I had used up my writing papers! Thus I request for some extra writing paper from her and to my astonishment she didn't bring any extra papers up. I panic, didnt know what to do. Fortunately my classmates were kind. Each of hem gathered up the unused papers and pass it to me and so I'm able to finished my letter in 25 minutes.

Left with 5 minutes, I flipped back to the composition writing, kicked on eileen's chair that was right in front of me and whispered to her as to what did she write on and for the topic. Before I knew it the bell goes, time's up and I hand in my english paper with only my letter done for my O level ENGLISH PAPER.

I woke up then.

|ce

My Legs

2007-11-14T23:26:00.000+08:00

Ouch my nerves, Ouch my toes, Ouch my ankles, Ouch my knee, Ouch my foot! Painful for my first ice skating experience. 5 of us me, my buddy, huqi, bran & jo, 5 noob skaters at fuji ice palace, singapore.

I quivered with fear, every time, when entering the freezing land of ice. Tagging closely to eacch other at first, and finally all of them get the hang of it accept me. And whats best is that of us, 5 noob skaters, I'm the only fellow who kept falling. 1... 2... 3... 4... and the 3rd fall was the the most hurting and painful. My right knee slam right onto the ice, damn! It was fun falling though. Here comes the miserable part, we all didn't take enough photos or did we even take 1? Can't remember clearly, anyway if fortunate enough I'll have the photographs uploaded. Thus BEHOLD!

Really look forward in learning / mastering ice skating and more experience. So call, if you have any thoughts of going ice skating!.

Enough said, my legs killin me.

Night people~

|ce

reflection!

2007-11-13T20:04:00.000+08:00

It has been days since I'm back from Malaysia and I've been thinking, a lot, lately. Actually thinking a lot about one thing, my life. Comparing my life in Singapore to I am in Malaysia is like comparing gold with dirt. In Singapore I have almost everything most that kid would ever dream of, playstation 1 & 2, a computer, laptop, my own TV in my own room and many more, can't really remember at the moment, but in Malaysia I have nothing accept a cellphone I brought from Singapore to over there.

Over there at Malaysia, I am sure that I would be happier back in Singapore. Well, the truth smack right back at my face. In Malaysia I must admit its horrifyingly awkward to encounter my dad's side relatives or cousins or whatever you call them, why, because everyone seems to know me and I've had no slightest idea of who they are and even if I do recognize somebody I can't remember their names. But despite all that I felt special and less boring than in Singapore where I have all my gadgets. Pathetic me.

And this recent trip I get to know more about my "dad's side relatives", memorized couple of names and certainly the greediness of my dad's brothers ( one of them ) the rest are just fine.

One more thing, the nature site of Malaysia 2 thumbs up! even for the infamous sea site. I actually sat on a motorboat and went to the middle of the sea, salty wind breezing through my face, droplets of sea water splashes up, its just a never before experience.

|ce

p.s. sry for the gloomy post lately!~

death wishes

2007-11-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

In this world, death is inevitable. It can happen the next minute, next hour, next month, or even next 100years, we never know. Hence i strongly recommend us (people) while we still can, decide what you want your family to do with you ( dead body), assets and how to prepare your funeral.

To me, when someone died, whatever things the family do must be about that someone and nothing else, not the religion not nothing. Having face my dad's death today, i realise something. If you don't plan what you gonna do with your afterlife, people will just do what they want, with you. For my dad's case, which pissed my greatly cause there are so much commotions. neighbours, friends come by don't know whether to seek for gossips or simply concern and worse of all giving ridiculous advises. Advises like family are not allowed to watch TV programmes, not allowed to enjoy ourselves for the next 49 days and such advises.

bullshit! adult are so narrow minded and stubborn. I know they act on their religion but when someone dies is these really what they want? Seriously i have no idea but i believe for those that dies from a natural death like due to sickness, i think that they would prefer a quiet funeral. Having Monks and Lamas exorcising is too much. Although I'm against what they do with my dad, i have no power to change their minds. Its so many against one. Perhaps you could say that i never try but if i did voice out, my mum will definitely tears up. I don't want that. My mum already suffered enough.

Okay i think that's enough on my dad's issue, not luring for sympathy but just to state my views. Now lets turn the issue back to me! As for me I'll want a quiet, one day funeral. Where only my family members and my close friends( if i have any ) to attend; my body will be cremated and the ashes will scattered to the ocean; and most importantly, no one is allowed to cry. As for my assets i already have plans for it, heh. I wouldn't post it here cause i have yet earn it but I'm sure I'll be able to n a few years time.

Okay i think I'll stop here. After posting whats on my mind felt better and less agitated. To my dearest 5B sorry! won't be able to join you guys on tomorrows chalet. Had to go to Malaysia, family complications ~ ya my dad's funeral. It's not big deal~ don't make a fuss out of it. I'm fine~ enjoy your chalet people! Tease me when i get back alright?

|ce

BAD DAY!

2007-11-05T13:56:00.000+08:00

a call from malaysia knowing that that my dad might not be able to make it through tonight. having physics paper tomorrow thus impossible to head back to malaysia today. frustrating enough, then comes a call, from singapore... high court, most probably singapore's supreme court or whatsoever. proclaim that some loan shark guy had been caught, this year 20th july, forging money using my id or in other scenario, i could be working with him.WTF

darn it! now im waiting for th stupid CID to call.my mood is already bad enough knowing that im gonna go to malaysia tomorrow trying to take a nap before doing my revision and now, i have to wait for that bloody phone call. they'd better call or imma gonna make a police report tomorrow.

using singapore' supreme court as prank? they must be so screwed.

i cant imagine anything worse than this.!

|ce

Death. Cry. Must?

2007-10-19T14:09:00.000+08:00

It's a long day today. Time passes so slowly and so many things happened and it's only 2pm. This is the first time ever in my teenage years wanting my family to get home as soon as possible, sigh.

I was wondering, what would people think, if they saw you in dry eyes when your best friend had just passed away. Inhumane?...PATHETIC! Is it necessary for us to cry when someone died or is it when you feel sad? Seriously, if that's the case, sadness has not longer have it's meaning. Grow up people, especially those arrogant grown ups. Stop judging people.

Sigh, I'll stop the whining for now. If anyone of you out there came across such experiences please drop me a comment. Tell how how u feel about those who didn't cry and if you're the victim like my friend, please please private massage me.

|ce

Never, fall in love with the wrong person!

2007-10-16T15:35:00.000+08:00

Love is a strange thing. It would lead you to do things that are totally heinous. One typical example is where Love turned into hatred, which lead to kill/murder, which often portrayed on TV shows. However that most likely won't happened in the real world, why? People are to afraid to go against the 4 letter word... "L-A-W-S".

Even still, that's not the worst scenario. what's really scary about Love is that it ables to manipulate people's mind, indirectly. It allows a certain some one to continue loving the man she fell for, even when she knew what the outcome would be.

I came across the Wong Family. It is a small family, only Mr/Mrs Wong and their Son, BJ Wong. Mrs Wong was once a very pretty lady, she is now still. Anyway, back then, many men had been rejected. I don't know why because neither BJ knows, but what i do know is why Mr Wong was chosen. He wasn't a very charming guy back then, or rich, however he had the patience and was generous, he still am. He was rejected many times and was yelled at too.

Then there comes the time where Mrs Wong's Dad fell ill, extremely ill. About 4-5 decades ago, they were poor. Couldn't afford to visit to doctors. Everyone knows that her dad's days were limited. Everyone wanted to let him enjoy his final moments, which smoking happens to be what her dad like to do. Despite that, Mrs Wong was forced to break her words, due to poverty. Mr Wong heard about that and fortunately he's working, which allowed him to be able to afford some cigarettes. He went to Mrs Wong place 3-5 times a week, take care of her dad and let him smoked.

Time passed and Mrs Wong was touched by his action. They Married and things gone bad. She got to know of his bad habit of gambling after they moved in together. And that causes many problems. Baby BJ was on the way and things was bad enough already. Frequent quarrels and cursing about the loan of money and about not taking care of the house. Mr Wong was a PR in singapore.

After Baby BJ was born, things got better as everyone was excited about BJ coming into the world. Few years later Mrs Wong was diagnosed with breast cancer and cause them in great financial difficulties. She recovered through the years and arguments still continues, just that during that period it wasn't very seriously.

Moved 7 years later and Mr Wong's habits gone from bad to worse. Betting big and losing big, and like all gamblers do after losing so much, a loan from loanshark. With no luck, he turn to Mrs Wong, and placed at a situation where she had to ask her sibling to help to pay up his husband's debts. Not just once. And one day, out of the blue, he requested to cancel his PR and claiming back the Cpf savings. Saying he would leave BJ and the new bought house to Mrs Wong and he himself go back to malaysia. No one was able to stop him as he already made up his mind.

And years later he came back to singapore found a job and stay in singapore with a greed card. This time he changed a lot, but nevertheless he still do some stupid thing at times.3 years later Mr Wong got ill and now Mrs Wong still willingly take care, worries and certainly willing to spend on him despite what he had done in the pass and the new era of financial difficulties she facing. Luckily Mrs Wong have wonderful Nephews, Nieces and Siblings.

Strange isn't it? If it was me i would rather Mr Wong to just die.

|ce

Speechless I become

2007-10-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

Just about 10 minutes ago I was called out by my mum. With my mother's tone and my dad sitting outside with my mama out in the living room together which would be unlikely, I realize something was seriously wrong. She started with a sigh and told me that my dad told her that he fainted, puke blood, and nose started bleeding or puke blood, nose started bleeding then fainted, argh, whichever come first i don't know as i am told, in the bathroom around noon time.

That cause me in great distress. I stood there totally speechless. Staring back at my dad, wondering was it just another lie that he made up to gain the another something or what, even though he is recovering from his nose cancer. Then she told me to take note of him during the day, while she's working. But SERIOUSLY is there any reason to look out for him, if he always answered "I'm fine" when asked and when during times when he's obviously not? SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY!

Fine perhaps I'm just finding people to blame after being lectured but SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY! saying i always isolating myself in my room is just too ridiculous. Seriously what can i do out in the living room when most of the time TV is occupied by your brother/my uncle, no computer or perhaps you mean you want me to share things with YOU? NEVER! There's no point sharing things with you seriously. Not that I don't love you people but it is just too hard for me and for you people to understand. God Seriously.

I love my family so much yet I want to leave them so badly.SERIOUSLY

|ce

Graduation

2007-09-28T23:49:00.000+08:00

Howdy folks,

Today is the day where we the sec 5s and the 4 Express sum up our secondary school lives. Our school, Westwood Secondary, as usual held, the annual school event, the farewell assembly. In the pass 4 years the event was dull, doing the same thing again and again, year after year, no creativity put in and worse of all, the paradoxical drama. Both students and teachers (principal included) the same.

We marching in, get settled, sing our school anthem, sing our school cheer, these are inevitable standard procedures. The only thing that changes every year is the performance part. Thus I don't feel like going today, however for the sake of my beloved classmates, I went.

The event started off as boring as expected and its bloody hot. All the fans are blowing everywhere except the area where there's people! In addition to the spotlights that blast right at us. If you know how a chicken trapped in an oven feels, you know how we felt during that 2 hours of event. Time passed quickly, soon it was the performance time. It was a short skip both act and written by our teachers and surprisingly it cracks me and every living soul in school up.

What I really wanna talk about is the speech. OK you see, each of he graduating classess' chairperson were asked to make a speech. There's 3 things that really frustrates me. First, they aren't given a choice whether they wanna make a speech or not. Second, they only allowed to comment on teacher's good deeds. Third, despite the fact that they already did comprehend the above 2 conditions which anyone with commonsense knows that we have to obey these rules during this kind of event, they weren't given chance to say their 'edited-original' piece. Whats the point of asking them to make a speech of their own when there's so many restrictions. Just type a script and ask them to convey on behalf and save everyone the trouble. Damn, that really kills me.

A rule says "you aren't suppose to save or help anyone in this campus." when you saw a guy whom you know, at the edge of committing suicide, are you gonna just watch him die?Think about that.

Rules aren't set for us just to obey them, in fact at times it's meant for breaking.

p.s about the post on liars, imma write it in a couple of days time.

|ce

darn it,why!?

2007-09-25T20:11:00.000+08:00

zz

just about when i want to blog about him and i found out that he has an aunt living in the states, thus makes me no longer have mood, crap. always wanted to go there and i dont seem to have any relatives that lives there, whereas i'd came across a few friends mine have theirs, there and that pisses me, greatly, damn it! luckily united states is a big country.

just to clarify certain things, questions which were why leave singapore? why chose united states?
"why leave singapore" i wouldnt want to leave in a country that simply takes 40% of our monthly hard earn salary and dump them into the Central Provident Fund (CPF) account. Where we only able to take out certain amount of money when we reach the new retirement age of 62. 2 scenarios could

1. we dont made it to 62, hopefully we have written will before we're dead, if not the money automatically hands itself over to the government. either way we still wont able to enjoy the lump sum of money we had saved while we're alive. end of story. cruel huh?

2. of course is when we made it to 62 and which many other things comes along with it as well. one typical example is sickness. when you are 62 or even older, u are less likely to be as active and strong as when u were in your 50s or younger. government claims that CPF allows us to better support ourselves when we are old and also able to enjoy retirement.with such old age, the things we're able to do is limited. the only thing i can think of now which most likely we are able to do at the 62 or even older is traveling. however it can be troublesome too if over children dont go with us, why? old people easier to get robbed, conned and due to some disabilities like problems with your joints and stuffs that unable us to enjoy the trip to its maximum.

As for why united states, i simply like and love the country.im a person that can give up/ work for the things i liked. believe me.

i guess i will stop here.my next entry should be interesting, i hope. i'll be talking about liars.

|ce

dreaming.

2007-09-20T19:20:00.000+08:00

hello people,

I once heard "when you dream a lot, means that you accomplish little and when you dream little, means that u accomplish more in life." that hit me hard because it is so so true. I'm so belong to the dreamers category.I always dream about big things, impossible things and sometimes absurd things but all that are simply dreams. I basically did nothing even until now, to strive for the things I wanted.

Now I'm reflecting and seriously I have yet achieved anything good.you probably heard me say that before. Anyway its sad and depressing and I came to realise that by saying what you going to do to what you are doing to achieve your dreams, are 2 major difference. Not to say the commitment.

So, to all the other dreamers out there and also to myself, quit dreaming start achieving!

|ce

claymore ending soundtrack! whats the title?

2007-09-13T13:04:00.001+08:00

okay people i will keep it short. if anyone know about that song please kindly let me know the sound track title!

here are the lyrics of that song:

kokoro mada anata no kioku no naka de
karada sagashiteru tarinai watashi wo
kyou mo doko ka de dareka no nagasu namida
tsumetaku warau sedame wo ikite yuku koto
nakusenai mono nigirishimenagara
watashi wa ima mo koko ni iruno
karenai hana wa utsukushikute
yuruginai omoi wo mune ni sakitsuzuketa
chigireta kumo no danzai no sora
tomaranai kanashimi wo dakishimeteita

Translated:

My heart, still inside your memories.
my body, not worth searching for.
once again, someone will be cryin somewhere today,
living on with my fate of cold smiles.
hanging on to thing i cannot lose,
i stand right here even now.
unwithering flowers are beautiful,
blossom with determinded thoughts inside them.
the guity sky filled with torn clouds,
i embraced this never-ending grief

|ce

Complications of Life

2007-08-28T15:47:00.000+08:00

hi ya'll

i do believe there's God in this world and spirits too, which most of us addressed it 'ghost'. anyway i aint talking about all that but just let me touch a little bit on my principle of god that i believe in. first of all i believe neither that God brings life to this wonderful yet cruel world nor he could take away our sins. what i believe in is God is a source of hope and miracle. when people is faced with unsolvable problems they turn to God for help; pray and worship and hope miracle will happen and when it does happen all the credits goes to God. when it doesnt God takes all the blame too. thats my principle of God.

who really brings life to this world is our parents. dont ask me who give birth to the first human being if it isnt god because its the same question as do god really exist? and basically i dont know. from the second we are born, we are bound to take on risks in our life, thats the way it is. A life that is too kind dont get to life long. the life that is evil gets to live longer thats the way it is. even to the extent that an evil life is at stake, even they are begging for mercy, never give them a chance to live or u can prepare to face your death instead. thats the way it is. no matter which life u chose to be as long you're a mortal you still gonna die someday. thus dont be so kind! thats the way it is.

yesterday my friend shared with me this "Sooner or later you'll find out if your dreams are the ultimate goal to live your life or if there will be indeed the possibility to face ugly occurrences, to face disappointment and defeat. dreams can turn into nightmares, into a never ending journey which 1st causes happiness and then suddenly it turns into a chaos of feelings which eats you alive, which destroys you. Dreams can be beautiful, great but dreams should sometimes stay just dreams as the pain which you may face while realizing them could be able to control your life and in the end the realized dream, the living of your dream could almost lead you to do the biggest mistake in your life:Giving up the gift which god gave you, the gift called Life."

i totally agree on what that guy said, not the part where that is in italic. anyway, as i mention above once we're born into this world are destine to take up challenges. and who the hell on earth is him to say that that whoever guy is giving up his life when he had tried to achieve his dream, whereas many of us have yet to? even if i take that last part in italic, will God want us to held back out dreams just to stay alive? no doubt the changes in you during the process of achieving your dreams can be heinous but no matter what we do, we gonna face the conclusion chapter of our lives, death, someday. thats the way it is.

okay thats enough i guess, sleep tight people.

|ce

Check out this guy's blog

2007-08-25T19:44:00.000+08:00

howdy people

today while surfing the net and reading up a tread about copyright case on anime, i came across this guy, Koffing's blog. he talks about the different genre of movies which he link up to our real life. personally i find it hilarious. do check out his blog, i'm sure u'll enjoy it too.

p.s just in case u guys wanna know about the anime case, heres the link http://sgcafe.com/showthread.php?p=2337106#post2337106

|ce

felt so bad

2007-08-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

hello people.

Today, my friend come over to my place wanting me to help him with his math. i was surprised, happy too, as he's the only one that asked me for help. the first hour or so it was awful we dont know how to get started. why? cause it's his first time here, over at my home. we crap our way through that hour. me playing dota and him surfing the net.

we got started after that. true enough there're some questions he didnt know how to do. i tried to teach and explain to him. he said he get it. but i felt my explanations suck. anyhow i really hope u did learn something.

|ce

Maplers WATCHOUT!

2007-08-18T09:24:00.000+08:00

hello guys,

its long, i know. i'd been playing games. what game? Lunia. well its new game. this game had unique playing system or rather they've combine the unique playing systems from many other games. here im gonna review on it.

first the playing style is like diablo. leveling hunting all are to be done while staging. controlling manner its similar to maple!! so people!! love maple? you're so gonna love this game more!! character is in a 3D and accommodate with 2D background which made it anime like! like all other games, items also can be scrolled/graded and many more.

so enough of the temptations. go check it out yourself @ http://global.lunia.com

Note registering for the name might be just a little troublesome. just let me know if ya new help on it.

|ce

finally

2007-07-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

howdy guys,

my experience.

I've learnt how to order drinks ( not to embarrass myself )

get to know what the people are doing there.

i came to realise that 17 to clubbing cant really do much. you're either to young for other people or other are too old for you. so yea a pleasant one. looking forward to going more clubs, with more friends of course.

e.i. get to know couple of new friends from y hop church...

|ce

you'll regret!

2007-07-27T20:26:00.000+08:00

darn it.
why cant u just believe me? u believe every other people said but your own flesh and blood. i know years back I've played truant but people change. even during that time i wasn't that bad of a person. I'm your only son, i always am and always will. though sometimes I'd wish to be born in a richer family. anyway all i want from you is to stop worrying about me, trust whatever i do and live your life. i know exam is one important thing, and you're right exams is near and you're right again, i haven't start on my revision. but didn't u realise one thing, if i am to say I'd revision in the afternoon u'll still say I'd play all day, wouldn't you?

[my mum's "good boy" concept. revise= good boy, play games=bad!]

i never did revision in front of you because i just don't like pretend and be a "good boy" of yours by revising. being a real good boy is more than that. who's the one whom always stay at home when he's given the freedom to loiter outside? who's the one whom kept his promise to you that he wouldn't disappoint you in his academic result every year end? who's the one whom always go out and spend his own money instead of yours? who's the one whom lend money to you when u needed some quick cash? who's the one whom read your letters? who's the one whom hadn't turn to a hooligan after all this yeas? who's the one whom answers all the phone calls which most of them ain't looking for him? who's the one whom know make effort to surprise u every year during your birthday? it was you son. if you gonna take a risk and push his limits, u might just loose all of that above.

no offence but you're not gonna live forever mum. I'm doing my best to make your life easier and much more enjoyable, but just why, ain't you helping yourself to do that? stress over every little things, worry about every little things. just heck care all those. when crisis come we'll just have to face it head on and eventually I'm sure, we'll overcome every obstacle. however we cant do that until you're able to quit worrying about me.

am i a person who make people worry so much?

don't use your "i know everything" tone when speaking to me cause seriously u don't.

|ce

temptations!!

2007-07-24T23:09:00.000+08:00

FOOD FOOD AND MORE FOOD. darn it, its so difficult for me to resist food especially delicious ones. almost everywhere i go, there's food. i get tempt so easily. By their scent, looks and certainly, their taste. yummy!

personally, I'm quite a chubby person. I'm those type where i start eating, i can see the result the next day. exercise doesn't slim me down as after exercise it makes me hungry... and I'll start gobbling down food and fats starts generating in my body again. Hence i MUst control myself and not to get manipulated by food.

let me set up a plan of what im gonna do for maybe the rest of my days

[weekdays]
-whatever break fast ma prepared for me at 6am.
-tuna snadwhich + pink dolphin during break time in school.
-resist and resist!, water
-dinner, whatever mums prepared.

[weekends]
- jogging (anyone interested?)
-whatever break fast ma prepared for me.
-resist and resist!, water
-dinner, whatever mums prepared.
-no supper.

hope i could cut to 68kg this fall!
wish me luck people!~

|ce

westwood sec 5 poa students! 2007

2007-07-21T20:24:00.000+08:00

girl's row, left: eileen, hayati, quraisha, huiyu, layhwa.
second row, left: derek, zul, bran, weihou.
first row, left: me, baoxi, robin
&
our poa teacher: ms chia
whom isnt in the photo.

shocking revelation

2007-07-21T00:34:00.000+08:00

Friday, 20 July 2007.

something bad happened. not to me but some one else. i felt unease after what i heard. i am a person who simply don't care about most of the things. however this have really kept me thinking. we as humans really have to stop blaming others for mistakes of our own, stop bitching about others as and when you like. if you guys wanna blame, bitch about people, do that to someone who deserve it.

cant believe im saying this but being a teacher is exhausting and to top it all, tremendous stress! most of them had devoted their time for us and patience. some even lost their precious one. but who can they blame, students, school? they only can blame themselves for not taking good care of their health. one have to take up so many different classes each day. so many preparation and markings to do at night. do they have the time to monitor that? most probably not. and we all know that that is not the real reason behind all of their losses.

seriously, they really dont earn all that. so for your, my, theirs and gods' sake, appreciate them, at the very least to those whom are nice and yet given up on us.

i'll try not to disappoint you.

|ce

rainy day

2007-07-11T19:48:00.000+08:00

howdy,

balance, not at all; injustice, all the time; respect, sometimes. I'm trying to put this as not offensive as possible..

it was a sunny morning, we're sitting in an open space, cover with different shades of clouds, reading. then it started raining. it was drizzling at first and gets heavier by the minute. all of us started questioning what should we do, while 'the other' having a meeting. our mumbling gets louder, an newly- joined 'the other' member shouted at us. most of us boo-ed back at him. the rain is pouring now. another member of 'the other' rushed to the microphone."continue reading!" she screamed. we were all fill with frustration and anger. few girls stood up and move to the shelter. of course, 'the other' was very angry about that. soon, she dismissed us back to the hall. she started scolding after we've settled down. talks about what they've done in the past was in all vein and scolding us at the quadrangle made her got drenched. we were asked to go back to our class then. one 'the other' share her opinion in this incident with my class and ask for ours too.

[my thoughts]

2 cases of bravery. 1st, the newly-joined member that shouted at us. 2nd the few girls whom stood up and move to the shelter. they have guts i must say. the 1st case is an easy act but for an new member to do that, it certainly isn't. thus i admire his bravery. as everyone knows, adults scolding, scream at the young is normal or rather its in their nature. in conclusion, its not as difficult in compare with the 2nd case. to stand up for what u think is the right thing to do is already a very tough thing to do, not to say to oppose someone whom always in command and technically always right. so it certainly have triple up the difficulty. however these girls did that and i cant believe that someone commented that as a childish act.

if 'the other' want us to continue reading in the rain for awhile longer, i would be doing the same thing. however, my reason is a very different one. i personally don't mind getting soak in the rain, I'd like getting wet anyway. but not my belongings. hate my belongings being destroyed or being mess with. i think I'll probably do anything for the things i like in good condition.

if u did nothing wrong, stand up for it don't just sit in the group and be proud of yourself silently. no one is going to care, don't let injustice to get over ya head by keeping it quiet. people just gonna treat you as one of the rest if u don't voice out. this world is a very cruel one. whatever balance, fairness doesn't really exist. good people may just suffer from a miserable, terrible death. jerks may just live longer.

i have a friend whom is a teacher, she told me that people don't even have a slightest respect for teachers which i highly doubt. but there's 1 thing i wanna tell to all the teachers out there and 1 to my friend. if you don't show respect first, no one will show respect to you. you may ask why cant people show you respect first? my ans: that's the way it is. if u think it that way you're not gonna gain any respect, that's all i can say. and to my friend, you've gain respect, so much, that u had yet imagine. just that u choose not to look or believe in it.

it is really enjoyable to just stare at the clouds. watching them float by gently, smoothly.

|ce

check out!

2007-07-09T21:54:00.000+08:00

hey,

quick one here. I've created one new background for my blog. how is it? pretty cool huh? and its 100% original. I'm quite a 'copyright' kind of guy, so I've disabled the right click function on my blog to prevent anyone from stealing my artistic work xD, if there's any.

okok just in case u guys didn't get it, my point is ... comment on my work!! =) . negative comments are welcome too, but just make sure the comments are true(from ya heart), not just some kind of pranks.

|ce

lalophobia, maybe, a little perhaps

2007-07-02T20:17:00.000+08:00

hola!

okay, after writing my previous entry, thought about it, I've decided make this post slightly personal. hopefully as i do this, i can increase the traffic, of my blog. don't know whether have u guys realize, but I've always put in 110% of hard-work in writing each and every entry, well almost all. u see, i always wanted or dreamed rather about some newspaper company will recognize my writings and offer me a column to write on. so if u guys have any particular topic wanna discuss or any problems and needs some third party's opinion or just anything, please email me. let me start practising now and perhaps my small cocky dream will lid up. I'll really look forward to all these emails.

k, enough of all that whining. let me first define 'lalophobia" lalophobia has the same meaning as fear of speaking. i shouldnt have this problem as some of u, whom know me, might have thought. yea, i thought so too and that applies only when I'm communicating in mandarin or singlish. when it comes to english it's hideous. whenever i wanna communicate using english, i just cant get my point out, most of the time. all my ideas, sentences or whatever thats in my mind, its in a form of chinese+singlish.

i know all have to do is just to translate it to english and here comes the problem. i cant do that fast enough and that makes me nervous. unless what i trying to convey in extremely important, i'll just shut up. and if i'd have something that's that important, i'll probably use singlish or mandarin. ( which i think is a very low-class language, not so much for mandarin. but singlish.)
my major/big goals in life is to migrate to the states and have a life there. if i cant communicate well in english, how can i just how can i live there.

----------------------------------------HELP!!----------------------------------------

|ce

Its tough

2007-06-27T19:06:00.000+08:00

Howdy y'all,

It saddens me when i see people sharing their life stories with readers like you guys and I'm unable to share mine. as u can see most of my entries go by topics because my life is too miserable to share. I'm 17 and yet achieved anything. i thought that was pretty pathetic. hasn't been in a relationship; don't know tons of things and I'm not really doing great in my studies.

Despite of all that, just like any other, I've big dreams. many people said that dreams could triggered ones motivation. but i don't see that happening to me =(. I'm still the same old lazy bum like before. in less than 3 months time one of my major examinations of my life gonna strike. whether my future is gonna be great or dreadful pretty much depend on this particular exam. and guess what, I'm here blogging , brags about my life instead of revising my work.

I'm so afraid that i ain't gonna be motivated to work hard for my exams which i hope, will, can do well.

quotes"its not about why people ain't sharing their life story but why ain't you sharing yours."

|ce

My present wish list

2007-06-23T18:15:00.000+08:00

1. a 30gb ipod.(black)
2. 2 new computer. 1 diy com/ 1 mac
3. a 20inch lcd widescreen tv.
4. a sexy body.
5. 17points and below for my O lvls
6. a 7.1 surround sound speaker.
7. improve my photoshop skills.

and thats basically it.

It is just as difficult..

2007-06-18T01:40:00.000+08:00

howdy readers.

i just came to realize something, something really simple yet difficult. conveying. wanting people to know your thoughts it's not as easy, not matter how great your language is. ( okey, I'm not trying to show off here. *)

when i wanna express something or deliver a thought i get to be pretty straight forward and i paid a price for that. people get angry, offended and started to bitch about me. and due to the anger they posses at that period, they forgot, neglected what i was trying to tell them...so I've had done some amendments on how i convey my points to others.

now I've become a 'beat around the bush' guy. but it didn't solve the problem just yet-_-. in fact, it's worsen the problem. people don't get me totally this time. but i sorta like that. when people don't understand me, when I'm speaking sense, it makes me feel that I'm smarter. ( yet again I'm not trying to show off here. *)

so i went on doing more adjustments on how i express my feelings, and thankfully i found a way. that is to voice out ya thoughts/ feelings/ opinions real fast. mumble if needed and if they'd ask u to repeat, don't ! and insist that whatever u just said is nothing or u can just say 'nothing~'

this method will eventually shut both parties up =).

i hope i have shown you how difficult it is to do such simple things~

I'm clever, ain't i?

|ce

"Family"

2007-06-09T13:23:00.000+08:00

"Family" it's a heart warming, lovely word. For all the trust, love, support, happy moments family may give. That's what we've had known. [Fortunate, naive.]

"Family" to me, is not such a great word. Families are the ones whom prevent people from achieving their dreams. what they do? Nothing! No doubt they do scarred you with many memorable moments. But that's the thing that makes you so damn guilty if your dreams somehow have something to do with "leaving".

[Parents]
They wanna be with their child so much that they simply blind themselves from seeing what's really the best for em. All parents want their child to be happy and nothing more than that. If you did confess that you wanna live alone or migrate or whatever just anything to do with leaving, you'll can just feel their urge to make you stay even they'd allow you to go. That feeling really sucks.

This intensive guilt makes people delayed or worse, forsake their dreams. For what they've sacrificed, it's humans' nature to feel great guilt. Don't deny it, instead change it. If this circle continues, it will just bring this 'merry go round thing' to the next generation and on and on.

shout out to all parents: This guilt may turn into hatred at any point of the circle.

sigh~how I wish I could..
|ce

Times when we're still a child

2007-05-29T20:34:00.000+08:00

youths today are so stressed up. the knowledge we gain through time had change us bit by bit. we wouldn't notice it, well, most of us wont. people call it the growing up process.

you know, when you're still a kid have you experienced the carefree feeling where you are not afraid of doing what you like. times where you met a complete stranger and 10 minutes later you're playing with him like best friend. those are cool times. we get to be the real us when we were young(kid).

when i was a kid, my mum often brought me out, swimming, me alone, no friends. when the time I'm supposed to go off, about 4 to 5 new friends are waving me goodbye. appearance, embarrassment, pride, etc didn't register during those times. all we need to know is to have fun and more fun.

as we face the torturing process of growing up, appearance, intelligence, wealth, manners etc are taken into consideration to other people. making friends aren't as easy anymore, not to say being yourself(the real you). sometimes, best friends don't even play together anymore. people have had become not themselves. hidden the real self behind, somewhere, deep, and left terrified. terrified that once we let it all out, friends around us couldn't accept it. or rather its very hard to accept it. but i can assure you one thing and that is once you let it all out, you'll make new friends, better ones.

shout out: high school musical
that movie had inspired me to writing this entry.

|ce

Love = Lust + Love

2007-05-21T20:43:00.001+08:00

howdy readers,

Note***this is purely my opinion on lust and love in boy/girl relationship wise***

a couple of weeks ago i have an issue with one guy on topic lust and love. to me, love cannot exist where there's no lust between the couple. whereas that guy said that lust and love "they both have different definition tt makes it impossible to co-exist in the realm of truth." He went on quoting the definition from (American Heritage Dictionary, 2000) and (Dictionary.com, 2006)

"lust -> intense sexual desire or appetite. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish."

&

"love -> A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness."

well, he is obviously blind, he basically ignore the whole bunch of definition of love below it http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love , they in fact have similar definition. speaking of realm of truth, all couple will have sexual desire or craving. if you don't, don't try reasoning it out. all i can say is that there's no love between you both.

lust plays a every important part in the process love. lust keeps couple attached and stay attracted to each other. it is also the key factor/motivation to hot and stress-free sex which I'm very sure both parties will definitely love it.

without lust the chemistry between both is either temporary or being together for the sake of being together. as to those who proclaimed that lust and love couldn't co-exist in the realm of truth, let me tell you(s) something, in reality they are back to back, closely accommodating each other.

*snap snap!* wake up....

|ce

Stress? Quit worrying

2007-05-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

*Caution*this advice can be good as well as bad, that purely depends on how you look at it.

Feeling stressed up these days ? Ask yourself whether are you worrying about too many things. If you do here's a solution from me, I call it 'Ice's Theory' First abandon all worries, which I doubt anyone could do that, so I'll skip to step 2=)

Categorize your kind of worries into minor ones and major ones. 'Here comes the fun part where I enjoy it the most.' For minor worries remember two words 'Heck Care' that will solve the entire issue, trust me. Let me clarify what's minor worries. worries are like what you gonna eat tonight; completing homework, project; some boy girl relationship that your friend brags about etc.

As for major ones try lighten it, if possible apply the two words I mention on top. I know~ the solutions I stated above are basically bullshit, but if you see it like how I see it, it will make a hell lots of sense. It's not like you gonna live forever, to be frank, you might die tomorrow. So what's the point of spending your life worrying so much?

If you're the one of the few that are able to abandon 90% of ya worries you are considerably a stress-free person and so I'm glad for you.

|ce

Help!

2007-05-13T00:39:00.000+08:00

hello people, this gonna be short as I don't know what to write about. does anyone have any particular question or problems that require a third party's opinion? kindly drop me a comment, if u wanna keep it between us email me.. this is serious please suggest something for me to write, I wouldn't want me blog to go rusty.

Ice

Backstabbers

2007-05-08T17:31:00.000+08:00

I've been asking a couple of my friends on what do they think of backstabbers and are you able to learn anything from em?

All of em said backstabber suck, are selfish and irritating . And most of them said the only thing backstabbers taught them was not to trust even your best buddy, they're couple of em give a surprisingly different answers though. It's very sad don't ya think?

Personally, I'm on backstabber's side. wondering whether I'm one? well, you know me, you tell me. I agree that backstabbers do bitch about all of us but have u ever think it on the positive side? sometimes friends do offend friends without realizing it. Its probably some minor issue that offended your friends therefore they didn't wanna tell you off. They didn't tell u off aren't mean that they are please with it. When they did comments on ya attitude towards something I bet most of us will start yelling back and defend yourself. That's perfectly right, you have to do that. However they are your friends spare a second of thought for them, think after u yelled and defended yourself, think whether what they said about you was true. The hurting comments they left you thinking, most of it, it's likely to be truths. But in any case the comment friends gave on you , the impact is limited. Friends wouldn't want to blast at you at such impact that you'll end up start cursing his entire family and eventually break the friendship with him.

Here come the part where backstabber is the good guy. They won't bitch about things that are anything to do with fiction, they won't, why? They wouldn't want to get exposed that they make up an imaginary situation of someone and end up receive a beating, do they? Therefore backstabber brags about the pure facts/truths which of course in a sarcastic manner.

All I'm saying is that backstabber aren't that bad of a person, they can let you know yourself better, on the contrary they might left you with a depression after overheard what they said, sometimes. Well, so by any chance you overheard people talking about you on ya back, go home and do some changes in ya life.

Let me define 'change' change yourself to be a better 'yourself'. Don't change until people doesn't recognized you. Let me state a few examples. For example you're kind, change to be kinder. If you're self-centered, change to be LESS selfish, DO NOT purely abandon ya negative self, keep some of it . The main thing here is to change to be a better 'yourself' not change to a holy person. Keep that in mind and people don't get you than so be it. you did change, people don't appreciate it there's nothing you can do. Even you changed to a 'holy person' there will still be someone wanna oppose you. You can't simply force them to accept you. Just like Satan and Jesus!

|ce

Is it me or is it everybody?

2007-05-04T21:23:00.000+08:00

howdy,

what will you do when u saw a person in a wheelchair need help? an ugly disgusting with body odour fella.

there was a time where dean and his friend were having lunch together at roadcafe. they were sitting outside eating and chatting along. this time dean saw a girl, teenage girl around 14 in age sitting on a dull, heavy chair with 2 big wheels attach to it. the girl was having trouble moving, up a slope. dean felt sorry for her and miserable himself.

he could help and he wanted to yet he didnt. he was afraid that his friend would tease him if he did help the girl. he kept silent, stare at her and pray that someone, anyone pull out courage to help the poor girl. soon dean's prayers were answered.a girl about same age as her, i think, walk pass her. for a sec i thought she was just gonna walk away from the poor girl, however she didnt. she turned back and gave the girl a hand. slowly they disappeared before dean. he smiled and continued the conversation he had with his friends.

he went home after that, bored and he started to write an entry on his blog. he wrote "why am i so timid?not like i hadnt help her before, just that i did it when my friends are not with me."...

|ce

She's starting to live her life!

2007-05-02T19:07:00.000+08:00

howdy guys,

she's starting to live her life, since she know the people around neighborhood better . she had been going out with em , loitering around the estates with em and surprisingly most of em do go jogging in the morning. I'm glad for her

she had been suffering and sacrificing everything for me when she first saw me and I'm pretty sure during that time i was crying. crisis struck on her 30s and her late 40s.i was worried that i could lose her.i would be devastated if she's gone. the previous entry 'Evil in me' still applies though. why will i be devastated? you must be wondering don't you? if my previous entry applies. well, I'm still a kid, young, lazy, typical kid.she has been doing all the things for me , what things? im not gonna share,why?its freaking embarrass i wouldn't want to degrade her like that or rather myself. i would be in chaos if she's out of this world, permanently strike out of my life. i am so selfish!

i hasn't been working nor doing really well for my studies. haven't done anything she could be proud of. sigh ... anyway i wish and hope her life will be getting better to great and quit worrying about me any more any longer.

LIVE YOUR YOUR LIFE! MY GIRL!

`Email [ MSN ]: lunlun@icez.infinitehosting.net
`For any comments on entry leave it in the tag board!
`|cez

Info technician said ...

2007-05-01T15:07:00.000+08:00

howdy people

just heard from some info technician..that live space are gooing to be take over by some other companies. sad i may need to transfer all the things from there to some where else..definitely not here,why? cause blogspot is too "wide".. people are able to give any comments any how.and i hate it.

anyway i'll keep my lastest entry in my space for another 2-3 days go read it and i'll look forward in reading your comments.

Ice.

wanna view my lastest entry?go my space

2007-04-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

ello people.

what im gonna say is exactly what is written on the tile.

so go check it out

i'll once again leave a hyper link here

any comment about entry? drop it on the tag box right ->

Ice

look there-->

2007-04-29T12:28:00.000+08:00

hi,

just created a background for my blog. how is it?well free feel give any comments on it. i'll be please to read it

anyway im just here to let u guys know im still alive loL!

kk, i'll stop here for now.

visit my space click here .

|ce

2007-04-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

hi guys,

just got my blog set up. well, u'll not be able to find any picture or my work here ,why?cuase i simply dont know how to upload it.

dont worry.i'll redirect u to my space . there u can find my art work from hand drawn to using photoshop.

second thing, how can i get the bloody tag box insert at my blog?someone please gimme some aid on that please.how? simply drop me an email. its located on top at the banner.nvm just for your convenient here lunlun@icez.infinitehosting.net

kk enough of the talk already night guys

ice