I would just scream and punch the wall if there's no one around.

Its funny how a movie can do to you. I had watched a lot of movies, from the ones that makes you laugh to those that mind fucks you. This movie I watched today was... it drives me crazy. God this feeling is killing me. It feels like adrenaline but it doesn't excites. its not fear cause I'm alone?..My heart is pounding even now, mind filled with thoughts that never once trouble me so much. I spent rest of the day researching on the cast and hoping to find that something that I lust for but its all fiction.

The show was great and too much similar and now I need distraction. I think partly because of the actor and the situation they're in. There is so many thing on my mind. family/friends/ me/ debts/ school/ future


...I think its desperation...


I always laugh at my friends when they complain about their relationships and now I'm desperate to be loved. Loved for who I really am and not what you see on me. I wish someone knows and actually gets through the barrier that i passively sets around me and just.....

For now here and my room is where I could truly be myself. Once I open the door I'll have to put on a smile and pretend today was just another day. I could just hope.

It was a happy day then I remembered something..

I have been working saving up for my Australia trip. First there was this one day job in Shoji trade co that offered 15/hr. Then there was this chef assistant job at St Reggis at 7/hr. Finally i found a temporary full time job as a Fujitsu salesman at Funan Challenger.

Day one wasn't great as I get a first hand experience of the politics in the sales business then some how I offended the Samsung promoter there.

Day two was worst.

Day three was busy.

Four was fine.

Five was fast.

and today was actually pretty awesome until I went shower and remembered something.

Today was my last day working there as a Fujitsu salesman cause sorta quit. I can't stand the people there. Anyway that's not the point. While I was slacking off with my friend at work we got to know this girl from another department. Suprisingly she is from the school that I'm gonna be studying in the future. Then there this mute guy came to me pointing towards the web cam in front of me. I knew they need help in selecting a web cam for whatever their purpose is thus i went to looking for the department head. However I fail, or rather I did not put in much effort to it as I wanna to talk to the girl I just knew.

Now I'm being tormented by it. I always told myself to be helpful and different. Because I will have difficulty communication with him plus i didn't know how to operate the web cam plus I couldn't find the department head plus i wanna talk to that girl, I just went off and ignoring them.

Ahh screw the haze..

Oh yes its been 2 months and here i am updating my blog again =). Well, today 2 of my camp mates ORD, awesome, and mine is soon, cant wait.

Its suppose to be happy occasion and I really did expect a party but it turns out to be just a simple night, where we chat, drink beer and concludes the day. I am never good at maintaining friendships really. Always fear that I am not significant enough for them to remember me. May be its just me being lazy, for anything. I feel everything is a chore. But really if someone could remember me, I would be really happy.

I'm a easy-satisfied person, believe me. I could give a lot and a sincere "thank you" would make my day. Now, this moment I'm slowing losing a friend. And in time, when its my turn to leave NS more will be gone.

4kg heavier.... god...

I always had known my mouth is bad, but never really know it's that bad, until few hours ago. My mother had told me about my foul mouth so many times and I didn't care one bit. I'm not a straight forward kind of guy so I don't just sprout whatever that comes to my mind. In fact I'm a very thoughtful person. okay, may be come to close friends I'm a little insensitive, tease a little too much.

After reading the whole conversation of whining, couldn't resist myself so I rebutted. To say something bad about someone when the person is not around to defend himself is simply.. unfair.

See, this post suppose to be how I would screw myself up about my 'good-for-nothing-but-nonsense mouth' and make myself feel better for screwing my friend's birthday celebration. Now I'm too irritated to do that after reading what he repeatedly type in skype, about the other friend of ours.

Of course I understand you my friend. Who would be okay after someone repeatedly make bad jokes about your girlfriend. "He might not be right, but he deserves to be heard." some english drama used that and I hope you could understand. I have said many things and sounded like I'm on his side but really I'm not. Just trying to get you to see things clearly.

1. Blame the wrong person.
2. You assume of what the joke is true.
3. Too angry to see that you, actually still care about him.
4. Bringing up the past issues that isn't relevant.
5. Taking everything out on him, whats with that?
6. To think that you are right.

It turns out that it wasn't my mouth that caused this conflict between my friends but my freaking fingers.
-Its raining now, time for bed.
-Sorry my friends, feel free to bitch about me..